Music.

I sat in the car on a way home from a very long trip. Red, blue, white, green, black blurs all flew past my rain-splattered window. I sat in kind of a trance with my iPod on as loud as it could go, thinking about how things had played out over the past couple months. Plently of things have happened, most of them horrific or upsetting. No need to rationalize it, it happened weither I like it or not. Sitting there thinking about everything and nothing was a greater comfort than my bed or my friends and family had been in a long time. To many things had happened to try and talk to anyone about it. It was slightly depressing, but music had always been my excape. Sitting there listening to my music and being able to think about things put me at peace, at least temporarily. Flipping ahead a few songs I noticed a beginning to a song I didn't remember.

"I just remembered that time at the market...."

What song was this? I didn't remember listening to it before, but then I have a habit of putting random songs on my iPod just to have them there.

"...Snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart and rode down isle 5..."..

Suddenly I was drawn into this song. I was no more than two lines into it and I felt a connection with it, as if it was explaining something to me that I wasn't getting.

"...You looked behind you to smile back at me crashed into a rack of magazines, they asked us to leave..."

My heart starting to slowy ache, the pain eponentially growing as I could feel my pulse slowing to the beat of the music. My fingers and toes started to lose feeling, which I can only imagine was the result of the lack of blood flow. Subconsciously my mind was making my body actually bind with the song, truly making it absorb the meaning carefully the first time.

"...Can't remember, what went wrong last September, though I'm sure you's remind me, if you had to..."

As far as I could tell, I wasn't breathing anymore. My knees slowly came to my chest as I reclined my seat back and pulled my travel blanket up and tucked it under my chin. I crammed the pillow between the seat and the door, and I burrowed my face into it. A searing pain was forcing my eyes to close, and I knew had I opened them, I would start crying.

"... Our love was, comfortable and, so broken in."

The car jolted, as I was momentarily tossed into what was really around me. I hit the pause button, in an effort to be more aware of my surrounding. Flashing lights caught my attention, but we had already passed most the commotion. I stretched, trying to regain feeling in my fingers enough to have function. As soon as I hit the "play" button, the song flooded my body again, as if coursing through my veins.

"I sleep with this new girl, I'm stilling getting used to.
My friends all approve, say "She's gonna be good for you".
They throw me, high fives.
She says the Bible is all that she reads, and prefers that I not use profantity.
Your mouth was, so dirty.
Life of the party, and swears that she's artsy.
But you could distinguish miles from Coltrane.
Our love was comfortable and so broken in.
She's perfect, so flawless.
Or so they say, say.
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking.
And posed for pictures that aren't being taken.
I loved you grey sweatpants, no make up, so perfect.
Our love was comfortable and so broken in.
She's prefect, so flawless, I'm not impressed
I want you back."

I then knew the connection my subconsious was making. It was our song. Not the song we danced to or referenced constantly. I don't think you even know this song. But still, it was it. We broke up months ago, and my mind had gotten over it, but my heart hadn't.

You loved me in sweats and no make up. I curse like a sailor, and it was the day we were messing with carts at the grocery store that you told me that.

The song is: "Comfortable" by John Mayer.