On the inside (Pt. 1)

Walking past the dew covered car my breaths start to become shaky. The deep breaths I took only reassured me that my nerves are really gut feelings. I bent down and quickly grab the key hidden under the mat. I stood up and looked at the key and then the doorknob. I zoned out, noticing the insignificant details of the night. The air was damp, and smelled like recently cut grass. A dim light in the corner of my eye brought me back to the porch. Not knowing what I would walk in to find, I shoved the key in the lock and turned.

“Hello?”
“…I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“You and me both.”

He stood there mostly hidden by the darkness. I entered the living room, looking around, taking in the scene. Two couches, a couple chairs, a television, his gaming system, game cases and more halfway eaten sandwiches than there ever needed to be. Obviously no one cared how he kept his space. He led me down into the basement, and took a seat on the couch. I chose the chair directly across from him and pulled my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. We sit staring at each other for the better part of an hour. I slowly stand up and walk over to him. I nimbly sit down and take his hand. It was then that I understood him. No words needed to be spoken, no explanations needed. Just feeding off each other’s energy was enough to sustain us.
A conversation started ranging from our extreme dislikes to what we loved, experiences that made us stronger, when we felt the most vulnerable. He promised me the things he said I wouldn’t understand for years to come, but one day it would all come crashing down upon me like some great epiphany. Learn from his mistakes, come to him when I needed help, to trust him.

The next thing I know I’m grabbing my jacket and running out the door.



As I lie in my bed it comes to my attention that my phone is lighting up every minute or so. I grab it and flip it open, then stop dead.

“I just… can’t.”