In the time we spent staring at each other, I never felt so connected with another person. I studied his face, memorizing every minute detail. He has one dimple in his left cheek, freckles so light you wouldn't notice them at first glance, eyes that change from a warm hazel around the pupil to a light green to the purest blue. There was a wrinkle in between his eyebrows from furrowing them so often. The way his eyes softened and almost opened up to me still sends chills down my spine.
"You really don't have to worry about it."
"But what if I want to?"
"You don't. It had nothing to do with you; I didn't even know you."
"But I understand."
I'll never know what was going through his mind or what he saw when he looked at me. What I do know is that the conversation we had is one I'll never forget. As I went to sit next to him, I watched his body language change. It went from one of tense, worriedness to relaxed. I sat next to him, gently stratching the top of his hand, he leaned over and kissed me. Nohthing special, just on the cheek. He brushed my hair behind my ear and went back to staring across the room at the chair I previously sat in. I looked from his face to his hand to the floor repeatedly, trying to understand and figure out what just happened.
"Chris..."
"I know."
"....Then...."
"No idea."
We looked each other square in the eye. It was an immediate understanding, he knew what I wanted and I knew what he needed.
"It can't go like this. It just can't."
"It'll be okay, don't worry."
"No, I can't do this."
"Hey, listen to me. It'll be okay."
He stood up, looking down at me. Slowly he turned his back to me and started up the stairs. I see the lights go off and hear the door open and close.
The next thing I know I'm grabbing my jacket and running out the door.
As I lie in my bed it comes to my attention that my phone is lighting up every minute or so. I grab it and flip it open, then stop dead.
“I just… can’t.”
No comments:
Post a Comment