One of the decisions.

"Are you drunk?"
"I might be."
"Then I'm going to disregard everything you're saying."
"No, I know what I'm saying, and I mean it."
"You can't, you're drunk."
"I said I might be, and I know what I'm saying."
"The things you're saying shouldn't be coming from you. You know that."
"I KNOW what I'm saying, I mean them and they're true. Trust me."
"Then prove it."



An hour later I'm sitting in bed not watching, but staring at the television. My cell phone vibrates off my pillow flashing lights and displaying "1 New Message - Chris". My heart skips a beat. I feel the blood rush to my face and hands as I stare at the phone. The screen disappears, but the light is still flashing. Red, green, orange, red, green, orange. I reach for the phone praying to whatever higher power there is that it says what I want it to say. I flip the phone open rereading the prompt telling me I have a new message. I contemplate hitting the review button. I shut the phone, clinging to the railing as I slowly walk myself down the stairs. I make it to the bottom and collapse on the last stair. Staring blankly at the wall, I realize I need to read it. I reopen the phone, click the button, and am instantly paralyzed.

"I'll be home in 15 minutes. I'll prove it."

This was ten minutes ago. I my mind races about the same speed I do around my room throwing myself together trying to look like I didn't care about how I looked. As I stop to take a breath I grab my hair, look around franticly wondering what the hell I'm about to do. I make my way back to the stairs I just collapsed on. I ponder whether or not the next climb would be one of my better decisions.

I climb them, feeling as though I'm climbing Mount Everest. I pull on my jacket, slip on my shoes, and walk calmly out the front door. I make it to his front porch before I actually understand what I'm about to do.

Two hours later I walk out of his house, phyiscally and emotionally the same person I went in as.

Mentally, I'll never be the same.