Death.

When I walked out the door, the sun was barely up as I looked around. Dew was still on the ground, birds were not chirping, lights all off. I got into the car and placed a pillow between my head and the door and drifted into a deep sleep I hadn't gotten the night before.

The sun shined in the car window as we traveled down an interstate surrounded on both sides by farms. Every once in a while the light would get lost behind the trees we past, but the dancing light wouldn't allow sleep. The music in my ears tapped out a seemingly happy tune. Sometime about wanting to call you baby all the time.

I opened my eyes as we passed a large red barn with several horses eating hay outside of it. A very familiar buzzing sound caught my attention as I sat up. My mother reached for her cell phone and took a deep breath.

"Hi Daddy, what's going on?"

A long silence followed.

"Oh Daddy. Just hold on to her and tell her we love her. Can you do that for us? Stay with her Daddy. We'll be there soon. I love you."

She closed the phone and dropped it. She looked out the window and then back at me and my sister in the back seat.

"She's... gone."

The words echoed in my ears. My mother started crying hysterically-as did my sister. I tear r two fell down my father's face. I sat there unbelieving.

This wasn't happening. It was just a dream. I would wake up and we would be in a new state, closer to my grandparents and happy with my family. I wasn't actually watching my mother heave and choke on her own her own tears. My sister wasn't curled up in a ball crying uncontrollably. And certainly my father wasn't letting silent tears fall steadily out of his eyes.

"Ed, I need to you stop the car. I need to you get me something to calm my nerves. I need sugar. Ed, pull the car over. Ed, stop the car. Stop the car."

My father pulled the car over at the first gas station we saw. He looked back at my sister, then at me and asked if I wanted to go in with him. I shook my head yes, pulled my shoes out from under the seat, and got out of the car. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and walked me in to the store.

"Baby, are you aware of what's going on?"

I looked at him with his tear streaked face. His wrinkles seemed deeper, his eyes more tired.

My eyes opened whiter and I started sobbing in the middle of the store.

"I... want... my.. Nanny."

"Baby, she's fine. Grandma died."

"I WANT MY NANNY."

He pulled out his phone and called her. He handed the phone over to me and I cried to her. I told her how much I loved her and that I wanted her to be with me. I wanted her here. I wanted to be with my Nanny. She promised to be on the first train to New York.

I straightened up and walked back out to the car.

A few days passed, and the next thing I know I'm standing in the back of a church dressed in black pantsuit and a blue shirt. I walked down the isle and took my place in a bench with my family.

The father stood up in the front of the church and asked us to bow our heads.

"As we walk through the valley of death, we shall fear no evil."