Favorite Word.

So, it occured to me that I haven't written anything lately. It's not that I've been too busy or anything. It's simply been because I haven't been up to writing. I've started several entries, but I can't make myself complete one.

When a dear friend of mine asked for an explaination of my favorite word, I gave her one.I thought I'd share it. But, instead of giving the explanation that I gave her, I'm going to story it.

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Stepping out of the elevator I knew it the next twenty-four hours weren't going to be easy. The smell hit me before I had even walked in the main entrance, so the trip to the 7th floor got more nauseating with each step.

"The helicopter just landed on the roof. Get room 7068 ready for a 3 month old patient please."

My heart dropped a little. I forced myself to take another step. I needed to just ignore everything going on around me until I made it to the end of the hall. I lowered my stare and quickened my pace until I reached my nephew's door.

The steady beeping calmed me a little as I recognized a lullaby playing softly in the room. I stepped in and looked into the white crib standing alone in the middle of the room. A small little boy looked up at me with big blue eyes. He squirmed a little and reached up for me. I smiled at him, gave him my finger, and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Are you family?"

I turned around to face a older woman with grey hair and a soft smile.

"Yea, I'm his aunt. Have you seen my sister or brother-in-law?"

We talked for a couple minutes and she explained to me that my mother had convinced the other two to go and eat something. She also explained what was going on with James and how they were trying to fix it.

"He's going into surgery in about an hour. Someone will be come in about 15 minutes to take his blood for preliminary tests just to make sure we're doing what we're supposed to."

With that statement, she left the room.

I stood at the side of the cradle staring down at my nephew. Barely 3 months old and already having to go in for his second surgery. He had spent most of his life in a hospital. Sure he'll never remember any of it, but this isn't the story we wanted to be telling him when he grew up. My heart broke for the poor boy. Not only for him, but for all the small children I saw hooked up to IVs and bandaged all over.

My family returned and I excused myself for a couple minutes to I could shake off the sight of James hooked up to four different monitors. I circled the pediatric wing twice before I let myself notice my surroundings. I walked by a playroom with a little girl sitting in it and turned around. She was sitting in a miniature chair holding on to a very worn looking stuffed rabbit. Cracking open the door, she looked up at me.

"Will you come play with me?"
"Sure! What do you want to play?"

We played with building blocks for a while and talked about how old she was, what grade she was in, what she liked to do. For a 5 year old, she was very talkative. I let her play with my hair for a while and I played with hers. I asked her to color me a picture, and in the middle of doing so, she started to cry.

"I don't like being here. Nobody ever plays with me. And all the needles scare me. I don't like being poked and no matter how many times I tell them 'no' they won't stop. Can you make them stop? You're so nice."

I held back tears. Even though my nephew wouldn't remember being here, she would. I wanted to be able to tell her that I could make them stop, but lying isn't in my nature.

"You want to get better, don't you? The doctors know what they're doing. You need to trust them sweetheart, they're going to fix you so you can grow big and tall."

She stared at me with big brown eyes and cried harder. Crawling into my lap, she wrapped her arms around my neck. The grip was so tight it almost felt as though she was trying to press herself into me. As if I could become some sort of body armor for her.

I rubbed her back and stroked her hair. The front of my shirt was covered in tears and snot, but I didn't care.

"Lovie, it's going to be alright. "

She pulled away and sniffled.

"I like that name, lovie. It makes me feel better. Will you keep calling me that?"
"Of course lovie. Anything you want."