Questions.

“Why did you come here?”

I couldn’t dodge it anymore. He had me pinned… there was nothing to hide behind. I sat back in my chair and looked him in the eye.

“Because… Well, I don’t know. If I had any idea I probably would have talked myself out of it. All I know is this morning I packed a bag and drove. I ended up here. School’s starting in a month, and I’m extremely scared. This is my first year as a definitive major. And Pre-Med for Jesus’ sake! I’m going to kill myself. Or maybe it’s because I’m getting married in 6 months to my high school sweetheart and I’m afraid of it failing. Or maybe because of the dream I’ve been having for the past three years.”

What dream?”

So I told him about the dream, and how I wake up crying every time. He pulled me closer and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Well, that’s a problem know isn’t it?”

I kind of chuckled. I didn’t know what else to do, and it felt good just sitting there with him. It reminded me of the nights we spent watching movies and playing video games together. He rubbed my back for a moment then scooped up our plates. We talked as he did the dishes trying to interpret the dream the best we could. It was funny, when I had tried to talk to my roommate or even Dolan about it I felt embarrassed or awkward… but not with Chris.

“It’s almost 1 in the morning and I’ve got to be at the lab at 8:30. Do you need a place to stay?”

He took me upstairs and let me have my pick of the rooms. I chose one that was surely decorated by his mother. Everything from the color of the walls to the knobs on the dresser reminded me of her. The bedspread was a solid maroon color with a deep brown trim. The walls were the same color brown. I threw my bag on the bed and turned around to say goodnight. We stood there, awkwardly hugging for a minute or two. I let go and he kissed my forehead like he used to every time we said goodnight or goodbye. He pulled the door shut and I pulled my toothbrush out of my bag. Right next to it was my cell phone, “5 missed calls”. Oh fuck.

Two were from Dolan, one from my mother, one from my roommate, and one from Dolan’s best friend. Apparently there was a search of some sort for me. I called my roommate first and let her know I was okay. We talked about what happened for a while and she told me to do what I needed to do. I decided to wait to call my mother back until the morning and called Dolan. It rung 4 times before a very groggy voice answered the phone.

“Sweetheart, where are you? It’s one in the morning… I tried calling…”

I explained to him that I was in Baltimore visiting an old friend, and I would be home in a couple of days. He started with a million questions and began to become frantic. I told him that no, everything was okay, I’m really fine, I just needed a getaway before school started, I love you, trust me, I’ll call you when I get a chance, bye.

I crawled into the bed and pulled the covers up over me and under my chin. The rain pitter-pattered on the window as I drifted off asleep.